Celebrating ALL Families

Recently, there was a Value Voters Summit held in Washington, DC. Among those who spoke were James Dobson, Tony Perkins, and Gary Bauer. All of these men will be in Nashville on October 16 for an event, Stand for the Family. Let's be honest about what this event really is. It should be called Stand against Gay and Lesbians or Stand for Discrimination.

At this same summit in Washington, they shared the stage with Bishop Wellington Boone. Among the things he said were that he "wants the gays mad at me." He continued on, "Back in the days when I was a kid, and we see guys that don't stand strong on principle, we call them 'faggots.' A punk is-- and our people, I'm from the ghetto, so sometimes it does come out a little bit. I got another one I'm gonna say in a minute (laughter) that don't stand up for what's right, we say, you're sissified out. You're a sissy."

I read this and I ask myself is this what we have come to today? When James Dobson comes to town, I hope the media asks him if he stands with Boone and his beliefs. What amazes me is that these men say they are doing this because of their faith. What about those kinds of words would bring anyone to a Church to worship?

It would be really easy to just get mad and plan to protest the Dobson event with signs and pickets. However, it is not productive to try to match anger with anger or hateful words with more hateful words.

Instead, we will celebrate James Dobson's visit. We will use his visit to celebrate ALL families. We will be under a tent at the Glendale Baptist Church. We want you to bring a picnic basket. Bring your husband or wife or life partner. Bring your children. Bring your grandparents. Together, we will celebrate the truth that love makes a family and we come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and forms.

We will celebrate families like Jon and Scott Hines who have adopted two children who today have a better life because these amazing men every day give them love, give them a home, and give them a family. However, I will assure you that both Jon and Scott will tell you that they receive far more than they give.

We will celebrate single mothers like my sister Carol who raised four loving, wonderful daughters who love their gay uncle and in return are the pride of his life.

We will celebrate amazing families like the Shockley's. Don is a retired United Methodist Minister who will celebrate with his wife their 48th wedding anniversary in November and who together have been leaders in the Nashville PFLAG chapter. Reverend Shockley wrote in a recent editorial in the Tennessean, "Our life together continues to be blessed by our three children, their spouses and partners, and three grandchildren."

We will not answer hate with hate but will instead, celebrate family and love. There will be music and food and most importantly, there will be family.

While we celebrate love and children and family, those who hear Dobson will hear words from a man who in Dare to Discipline wrote "Pain is a marvelous purifier" - "It is not necessary to beat the child into submission; a little bit of pain goes a long way for a young child."

To me, there is a very clear choice. On October 16 and on November 7, I am going to stand on the side of love. I am going to celebrate family and love and children. I am going to vote No on Amendment 1 so that all families in Tennessee will be valued and honored.

Mr. Dobson, if you are reading this, feel free to stop by and join in the celebration of all families. October 16, Glendale Baptist Church (1021 Glendale Lane), 6 PM.

For more information, go to www.voteNOon1TN.com

The Right Wing Express Comes to Nashville

So James Dobson is coming to town. And he is bringing friends. Nashville welcomes The Right Wing Express on October 16 to the Municipal Auditorium.

This visit illustrates that like the guests who are here to promote it, Amendment 1 is to the extreme far right. These are the same people who oppose the government conducting stem cell research even though it has the potential to save many lives and improve the quality of life of many others.

These are the same people who told government to interfere in the private life of Terri Schiavo and her husband. And now they want to make sure that two people who are in a committed, loving relationship cannot receive the rights of marriage.

When it comes to this issue, the good Reverend Dobson appears to believe that the truth can be sacrificed in this debate. (Actually Dobson is not a real Reverend - he just plays one on television and radio). Three different scientists have called on Mr. Dobson to stop distorting their research to support his as Dr. Judith Stacey said, "ideological opposition to homosexuality."

In addition to stopping in Nashville, the Right Wing Express is also holding rallies in Pennsylvania and Minnesota. One would assume those two states are probably in intense battles over gay marriage. One would be wrong in that assumption.

What these three states have in common are very competitive Senate races. Pennsylvania features one of the kings of homophobia, Rick Santorum, who is currently trailing in every poll in his re-election effort.

So the Right Wing Express is not stopping in Wisconsin where the ban on gay marriage might be defeated. They are not stopping in South Dakota where a recent poll had the proposed amendment trailing by 8 points. Instead, they are attempting to influence Senate races.

Do we need more proof that they are indeed "in bed" with Karl Rove and his efforts to use gay marriage as a wedge issue to motivate the far right to go to the polls? This is not about marriage at all. It is about politics and power.

How sad that Dobson and Rove would use the Constitution as a political toy with which to play games. This fact alone should make us all angry enough to defeat Amendment 1.

However he is not content to just use the Constitution as a political instrument. He goes for an even more sacred document in many people's eyes. He uses the Bible.

There are many principles of marriage that Dobson chooses to overlook in his rants about gay marriage.

I have not heard him proposing Amendments to support the passages that state if a woman cannot be proven to be a virgin at the time of marriage, she shall be stoned (Deut 22;13:-21). I have not heard Dobson planning rallies to push for the adoption of an Amendment requiring that "If a man dies childless, his brother must marry the widow "(Gen 38:6-10, Mark 12:19, Matt 22:24).

The Bible has references to at least 15 polygamists. Does Dobson support defining marriage in those Biblical terms? Does he agree with Genesis when it states that the value of a woman might be approximately seven years work? (Gen 29:20).

How strange that Dobson remains silent on these Biblical principles about marriage. He has had no problem raising a lot of money on the backs of gays and lesbians to preach his hate against us. I have not heard of any fund raising efforts to insure that women are the property of their father until married and their husband after that (Gen 3:16, Ex 20:17, Col. 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1, 5-6)

So Dobson plays politics with the Constitution and the Bible. In the spirit of three strikes and you are out, Dobson goes for one more entity with which to play politics. He plays politics with our lives. These are real people who will be second class citizens in the constitution if this Amendment passes. These are real people who are the victims to the rise of hate crimes that occur when these marriage issues are on the ballot.

Tennessee already defines marriage as between one man and one woman. There is no need to play politics with the Constitution. It is a very slippery slope and one we should not begin walking down.

Send a message to James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Pat Roberston, George Bush, Bill Frist, and countless others who want government to make decisions in our homes. They are like the house guests who came and at first were tolerable. However, they have overstayed their welcome. They have gone from being guests to staying in our homes and making important decisions for us.

It's time for them to leave our homes. It's time for them to focus on their own families and to leave us to ours. On November 7, we can say "thanks for visiting but get the hell out of our house." Vote No on Amendment 1. Visit www.voteNOon1TN.com for more information.

The Silence of Good People

Last week I was driving from our campaign headquarters on Church Street headed toward Green Hills (Or Gay Hills) Mall. As I got to the corner of Elliston and West End, I saw several young people holding up signs and I heard car horns honking.

As I turned the corner, I got a look at the signs which stated, "Marriage Equality Matters," and "Vote No on 1." I honked my horn and gave them the thumbs up. I knew I had to know more about who they were and why they were there. So I turned my car around and went to join in.

I talked to Karl who explained that some friends were talking about the Amendment and decided they had to do something. They bought poster boards and markers and made signs and hit the streets. He said they vowed to be there every day until Election Day. On this day, he said they stopped counting the honks at about 200.

The emotions that I was feeling at that time were overwhelming. I explained that this was so exciting and I talked about how young people get this issue and oppose this discrimination. A young man sitting nearby jumped in to agree with that assessment. He was a straight man around 18 years old and was there to support the effort to defeat Amendment 1.

As I drove away, I began to think about the first months of this campaign. I began to think about who is fighting and who is not. We just completed a Marriage Equality Summit this past weekend at the First Unitarian Universalist Church in Nashville. Over 50 people came to learn more and to take that back to their communities all over the state. Many of them were straight.

As I write this, Karl walks into the headquarters soaking wet from his day in the storm holding up signs to defeat Amendment 1.

I thought about the activist in Kentucky who reflected on the campaign after discrimination was written into their constitution in 2004. She explained that she was not surprised by what the far right had done as that was expected.

What had hurt her the most was the silence of good people.

Amendment 1 is wrong. It hurts good people. I stood with these amazing young people today as they waved signs asking people to honk to support equal rights. There were lots and lots of honks. They were also called "faggots" and told several times that they "were going to hell." By standing up for equality, this is what they had to experience.

Good people cannot sit by in silence. It is time to stand up now. Stand up and be heard. Get involved. Let us not regret the silence of good people on November 8.

Like these young people who decided they must do something, join the fight to defeat Amendment 1. We learned during the early days of AIDS that silence equals death. In this case, silence equals the death to equal rights. We cannot remain silent anymore.

What is Winning, Part 2

With deference to the theory that sequels are rarely better than the original, this week's column takes a deeper look at the definition of winning in regard to Amendment 1 in November.

I have given much thought to those who say we can't win. Therefore, they will put in limited or no resources to this battle. They will choose to not join in a door to door effort to secure more votes to defeat this act of discrimination.

Forget out the polls which tell us different. Forget about the excitement and resolve I have felt as I have traveled across the state talking about this issue.

Instead, let's talk about bullies.

Remember back to the day growing up when the school yard bully terrorized somebody you knew or maybe even you. Possibly, he took lunch money from you and your friends. For weeks or months, the bully won simply by intimidation using fear as his main weapon.

Finally, one day you made the decision to stand up to the bully. In most cases, the bully was a lot more talk than action. However, even if you got the crap beat of you, remember the feeling of pride of standing up for yourself and for your beliefs.

Keeping that in mind, how can we decide to sit on the sidelines while this debate about marriage equality happens? How can we let the bully continue to use fear to scare us and others on an issue where that is all they have--fear and scare tactics.

What does it say about our community if we choose to run? It's as if we are saying that we don't want to fight this battle because the conditions are not exactly as we like. Maybe next time, the conditions will be better and we will be assured a win so we will choose to fight.

It's like a football team who plays in a comfortable dome saying they will forfeit a game because it's played outside in the snow and cold. The conditions are not what they desire so they will just choose to sit it out.

If we sit this one out, what have we said about our resolve when adoption becomes the next issue? What have we said about our resolve and our deeply held beliefs that we should be treated with dignity and respect?

To me, there is only one option. We fight. We fight united with everything in us. We leave it all on the field. If we lose, we lose with the dignity of having waged a hard fight. We have the dignity of having stood for something we believed in and having given it everything we had.

By fighting, we win. Even people who disagree with our position, might just respect that we stood for our beliefs.

The biggest payoff of all is that by uniting together and fighting we will win. It might be at the ballot box. It might be a smaller win by prevailing in Nashville or Memphis. Those victories would open many doors to equality in Tennessee.

It might be by bringing a sometimes divided community together. It might be by gaining the respect of those who otherwise oppose us. It might be the feeling of self-respect realized by fighting the bully.

I am no longer willing to give my lunch money to the bully. First of all, I like food. More importantly, I deserve better. We all do.

Why Marriage Matters - A Personal Story

So this column is not about talking points. It's not about making sure I am on message with the words of the day. It's far more personal. It's about why marriage matters to me and why you should spend time thinking about what it might mean to you. For me to understand why it matters now, I have to look at who I am today and how I got here.

I am a native Tennessean, born and raised in Centerville, a town of about 3000. At 45, I grew up before "Will and Grace," "Queer as Folk," or internet sites where I could daily talk to other gay men. In fact, I was in my 20s before I met my first positive gay role model. I was at least 22 before I ever walked into a gay bar. My gay development was definitely affected by my environment.

I am single. In fact, I am so single I think maybe if you look up the definition in the dictionary, you might find my picture. So why then is marriage so important?

It took me longer to come to terms with being gay. It took me longer to understand that who I am is profoundly influenced by the fact I am gay. I was late breaking out of my closet doors but once out, I vowed never to go back again.

So today, I have reached the point where I know who I am. I know I deserve to love and be loved just like every other human on this planet. I know that I deserve the same rights as every other person but more importantly, I deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect.

I cannot predict the future. However I realize that I may never walk down an isle and profess my love for someone else. I may never get the chance to be repaid for all those wedding gifts I have given to others and like every gay man, I give great gifts. I may never have to make the decision to take time off of work to care for the person I have committed my life and love to because he is sick.

However, I should not have that right taken away by the State or its citizens because of unrealistic fear or religion or any other reason. I have worked too hard to find who I am as a gay man. For that reason, I will not let this discrimination happen without giving all I have to fight it.

My mom died of cancer when I was a senior in college. She fought a courageous four year battle that probably should have lasted about two years at best. I know she left me with that stubbornness and strong will that sustained her fight against an awful disease. Growing up, I remember hiding my head in shame when we would have to literally hold her back from storming the field to take on a referee who had not made the right call in her eyes to protect my brother Richard who played high school football. Today, I am forever grateful for that fight and strong sense of what is right that she passed on to me.

If I allow our Constitution to be altered to say that I do not have the same rights as every other person in this state, what does that say about how I really feel about myself? If my marriage rights are taken today, what rights can be taken away tomorrow?

I walk down the streets of Nashville and I wonder if the person I just passed believes that I should be denied the same rights that he has. I wonder if he believes that my love is somehow inferior to his. I feel my mom's sense of fairness rise in me and rather than storming the field to take on these referees of my life, I fight on a bigger level to educate them. I know in my heart that when good people meet me and meet you and know that our dreams and hopes are the same as theirs that it will be so much more difficult for them to step in a booth and vote away our rights. At the end of the day, I believe that fairness is an important value to the people of this state.

So marriage matters to me. It matters so much. I have battled long and hard to come to where I am today. It has been a long and difficult journey but at the same time a very joyous one. I also know that thousands before me dedicated themselves so that we could be poised today to be treated equally and fairly. Whether you plan to marry tomorrow or never plan to marry, this issue should be important to you. After many years of searching, I now know some important truths.

I matter. You matter. Fairness matters. Marriage Equality Matters.

What is Winning?

I have been told by several people in the past few months that I have been working on the Vote No on 1 campaign that they believe in what I am doing and will vote no in November. However, they will not invest much time or money into the campaign because they just don't think we can win.

First, I think we can win in November and I think we can win on many different levels.

Our opponents released the results of a poll they did which found their support at 59% who favor Amendment 1. Quick math shows that leaves 41% either opposed to Amendment 1 or undecided. Our own polling we have done confirms very similar results with up to 40% either opposed to the amendment or undecided.

The only movement in this debate is the one for fairness and equality and against discrimination. In other words, the only movement is to vote against this amendment in November.

National polls find support for marriage equality at an all time high and concerns about amending the Constitution increasing. When we asked the people of Tennessee about their feelings for changing the state Constitution, nearly 6 of every 10 said they had serious concerns about it regardless of their thoughts about gay marriage.

The other important thing the citizens of the state told us is that they believe in fairness. Again, 6 of every 10 said they believe that lesbians and gays should have the same rights as all other Americans.

We have a little over 5 months left for you to talk to your friends, family, and neighbors about the importance of not writing discrimination into our Constitution. We have 5 months left to convince those we work or go to church with that we should continue this very important discussion for fairness and against discrimination.

We are in a much better starting place than most of you might have expected. It is clearer now more than ever that we have the message that people need to hear. It is clearer that they respond well to that message. We need more messengers and the means to get out our message of the importance of fairness.

Our ultimate goal is to get more votes in November than our opponents. However, there are other definitions of winning. For far too long, we have allowed those who oppose fairness and equality to dominate the debate. We have not stood up and introduced ourselves and told them the stories of real lesbian and gay families. I know I am tired of allowing the likes of Jerry Falwell or James Dobson to represent who I am to people.

This election in November is about more than marriage. If those on the far right who have a message of discrimination are allowed success, then what idea that we hold dear is next to go? Even if we do not win outright, we must show that we are strong and we must say that we have had enough of using politics to put a wedge between us. It is one of the most important elections we have ever voted in.

I almost always wear my Vote NO on 1 button and a few weeks ago a young man came up to me to say thanks for everything I was doing to fight against this amendment. I gave my standard answer of "thank you" but I thought afterwards what I really wanted to say, "Thanks, I really appreciate it but a small group of concerned people cannot fight this battle for everybody else. We need you and your friends, and people who love you to join in and we can win."

Yes, we can win in November whether it is by getting more votes or by showing that we can organize and fight and we will continue to do so whether it is about marriage equality, adoption, or a non-discrimination law .

However, the only way for us to win is united in cause. We must all get off the sidelines and get involved by volunteering, talking to friends, family, and neighbors, and by making a financial contribution or hosting a house party.

We have a great starting place. Our neighbors have told us they believe in fairness. They are looking for a reason to vote with us. You could be just the person to give them that reason. To find out how to get involved, go to www.voteNOon1tn.com.

Stupid Homophobic Comment Hall of Shame

At some point I know I should stop being amazed by the words that come out of the mouths of those who oppose gay marriage and well basically anything that deals with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender issues. However, they continue to sink to such lows that I find myself still observing with my mouth wide open in absolute shock and amazement.

The latest to enter the "Stupid Homophobic Comment" Hall of Shame, is Eric Watson, State Representative from Cleveland. Representative Watson, from the steps of the Hamilton County Courthouse, said, "It'll be a sad day when queers and lesbians are allowed to get married...and kiss in front of the courthouse." This little gem of a quote was made on June 7, 2006. I stress, 2006 and not 1956.

Watson joins other illustrious members of the 'Stupid Homophobic Comment' Hall of Shame such as Representative Debra Maggart who said and how can we forget, "We also have seen evidence that homosexual couples prey on young males and have, in some instances, adopted them in order to have unfretted access to subject them to a life of molestation and sexual abuse," Well actually that was just part of the quote. We also have this from a Representative who no doubt represents members of the LGBT community, "I am not convinced that just because our foster children desperately need loving homes that we should just place them in homes that are available when research also shows that most homosexual couples have numerous emotional dysfunctions and psychological issues that may not be healthy for children."

James Dobson, of Focus on the Family fame, has long been an outspoken voice of intolerance to the LGBT community. He has many quotes to choose from but by far my favorite is this jewel (and trust me, pun intended) from 2002, "He (a boy's Father) can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger."

If I publicly made that comment, Chris Hansen and the entire NBC Dateline "To Catch a Predator" crew would be hanging out on my front door.

Of course we can't forget Jerry Falwell telling us that Teletubby, Twinky Winky was gay because he was purple and carried a "purse like bag." Finally, there is the King of Stupid Comments, Pat Robertson. When not leg pressing 2000 pounds (his latest little gem of a comment), Robertson has volumes of priceless quotes such as this very "Christian like" one, "Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

This is the backdrop on which we fight for equality. Like it or not, these people are in leadership positions and do great harm to us. If you have been on the fence in this debate about marriage equality in Tennessee, it is time to get down from that fence and get involved. It is time now - not tomorrow or next week. Go right now to www.voteNOon1tn.com and volunteer. On Saturday, June 17 come join us at the Lipstick Lounge at 12:30 PM and help us go door to door talking about fairness and equality. Better yet, volunteer and make a contribution. Governor Bredesen said this week that he supports Amendment 1 and the only question is not if it wins but if it gets 85 or 95% of the vote. Help us poll to show the Governor that he underestimates the number of fair minded Tennesseans. Read these quotes again. Get angry, get involved and do it now.